


How To Save A Life

by Ginny41



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Heavy Angst, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 22:29:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17927573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ginny41/pseuds/Ginny41
Summary: A single moment can change your life forever. Sooyoung and Jiwoo knew it better than anyone.





	How To Save A Life

**Author's Note:**

> Rated M only due to the triggers and the use of mild language. TW: Suicide attempt/suicidal thoughts. Although this story is supposed to give a feeling of hope, if you think it might disturb you in any way, please avoid reading it.
> 
> Story named after The Fray's song of the same name, also posted on aff. This is it, good read!

The sky was clear, pure indigo blue dominating the night punctuated by bright stars. A calm and warm breeze hit her, pushing aside her dirty dark hair to reveal her pale face. Blood had left a trail from her nose to her chin, it matched quite well her chapped swollen lips. There was an involuntary smirk on her face, the left corner of her lips sticking out, leading the way to the thin and swollen line of a scar that covered the left side of her face. Smaller, white misshaped scars also decorated her cheek like disturbing accessories. The doctors once said she was lucky that they were able to close it all well. She didn’t quite understand how anything that lead to such a terrible result could be considered a success. 

The wind blew stronger. Her grey hoodie trembled, revealing her expensive uniform. The soft fabric consisting in a combination of white and blue made out of the best material, the school’s emblem proudly embroidered in the pocket of her jacket, telling the whole world she belonged to a very special and exclusive institution. Think about school was enough to make her want to throw up. Prestigious? The home for the leaders of the future? Bullshit! It was a place only for the most disgusting and unscrupulous people she had ever met. A home for spoiled brats that wouldn’t think twice before crushing someone’s dreams _and_ their bodies if it gave them even a tiny advantage.

She didn’t belong there, she never did.

She didn’t belong anywhere.

The weather didn’t reflect her emotions, it was the opposite. In the movies, in nights like this, there would be heavy rain and cold wind, the city would be colored by grey and black, as if it was an extension of the character’s pain. Even in a moment like this life wasn’t on her side.

However, her fucked up face was enough to show what she had been through and from what she was willing to run away of. For good. Therefore, it didn’t matter if that shitty town or her citizens could read her mood or not. Soon nothing would matter anymore.

Her long and elegant hands, a part of her that was still not tainted by all the tragic incidents in her life, grabbed the white board.  The one encrusted with motivational quotes in the attempt of prevent things like what she was planning on doing now. Her grip grew stronger as she imagined how it would feel once she was on the other side, completely free of anything that could refrain her of falling freely into the dark and turbulent water below. She heard the superficial tension in the water could make it as hard as concrete, breaking down your bones like it was nothing – she hoped it was correct. A quick way out was all that she could wish for now. She didn’t need time to regret her decisions, she didn’t need time to mourn for herself or wait for some magical being to appear and save her. Long time ago she had lost all her faith.

 **“I heard most of the time people don’t die instantly. They end up drowning or being thrown at rocks and stuff until they die. It is not a nice way to go.”** A quiet voice spoke beside her, taking her by surprise and making her take a step back, away of the stranger. Although the other girl didn’t move an inch, she didn’t even spare Sooyoung a glance. She sounded like she was also considering the idea herself.

The brunette knew people tended to try to prevent others from killing themselves, as if living was such a big bless and not only a constant source of pain. Sooyoung wouldn’t let anyone come interfere, she didn’t want to cause a scene, she wasn’t a silent scream for help. She just wanted to be left alone. Turning on her heels, she prepared to walk away, looking for another place to do what she had to.

However, the other girl spoke again. **“I’ll follow you, Ha Sooyoung. And if you try to ditch me, I’ll have to ask for help.”** Her tone was tired, but determined. It wasn’t the threat that made the taller girl stop in her tracks, but the fact that the other girl knew who she was.

She touched the left side of her chest, confirming that she had get rid of her nametag. Maybe the girl was one of her school’s rats.

Ha turned to face the stranger, ready to shut her down as quickly as she could. She had to hold her tears of frustration. She couldn’t even _die_ in peace, even in her last moment life had to fuck everything up.

 **“And what are you? A fucking stalker** **?”** She shouted, her frustration turning into rage. Was she so pathetic that the other girl didn’t think she was even worth a look? Then why she was wasting her time following her around?

 **“Just someone trying to make things right.”** The dark haired girl finally moved, standing straight and facing Sooyoung.

They were probably around the same age, but there were some obvious differences. Unlike herself, the girl was beautiful, not the intimidating type of beauty, a gentle and endearing beauty. She was shorter than her, and had cute delicate features in a heart shaped face, framed by soft dark brown hair that flown down her shoulders. This made Sooyoung even angrier than before, her irrational side taking over. How easy wasn’t it for a preppy princess like that to come to her and play nice? She was probably thinking she was doing such a good deed and would use it to brag later.

 **“What are you going to do? Follow me forever?!”** Scoffing, she approached the girl with heavy steps. Her messed up face should have been enough to scare away any good Samaritan, yet the other girl didn’t even wince.

 **“I can’t protect you forever, but I can protect you tonight.”** The pretty girl reassured once more, giving her a stiff smile. Her big eyes never leaving Sooyoung’s, probably resisting the urge of staring at the scars on her face. There wasn’t anything on the dark orbs, nothing besides a sharp glint of determination, no fear, insecurity or any other normal human emotion. Seeing it made Ha avert her own gaze, not because she was intimidated, but because it reminds her too much of her own eyes. Perhaps she had met another broken person.

 **“And I’m supposed to believe it? How do you even know me?”** She risked a glance at the girl’s clothes, checking for the familiar uniform but only finding a bad combination of old black jeans, an oversized flannel shirt and a dark coat that seem to have a couple of years of use already. Cheap clothes, the kind of cheap that not even her schoolmates’ servants would wear. That kid definitely didn’t belong to the same social circle her classmates did.

 **“Well, I can’t force you to believe me, but it’s the truth.”** Her voice was calm and firm, unexpectedly deep. **“I know you through our parents. It was a long time ago…A very long time.”**

 **“I doubt it.”** It wasn’t like her to act snob, but she couldn’t imagine her mother socializing with a commoner. Maybe her dad…But she really didn’t want to think about him now. **“Just leave me alone or I’ll call the cops on you.”**

The girl took a deep breath, shooting Sooyoung a glance before reaching for something in her pocket, taking out a shabby wallet from where she picked an old school ID that she handed out to the taller girl.

 **“My name is Kim Jiwoo. I live nearby and work at a noodles place two blocks away from here. I also do some deliveries for a fish restaurant on the weekends.”** The black haired girl, Jiwoo, curved her head in a respectful greeting. Sooyoung blinked, unsure of how she should react to such a weird and random introduction. **“I’m not here to cause you any harm. I don’t even want to disturb you. I just want to make sure you’ll be safe tonight and after it I’ll be out of your life.”** Her words, no matter how weird they sounded, seem sincere.

Sooyoung hadn’t had such a long conversation with someone in a very long time. It was ironic that now that she was having one, it was with a girl she just met and only because the said girl was trying to play the hero for some unknown reason.

With a snort, she turned her back on the stranger and tried to walk away as fast as her sore feet could take her.

Ha didn’t say anything, but she could hear her footsteps following close behind. The girl wasn’t joking earlier, and whatever stupid honor sense she had, must be kicking in right now and demanded her to follow an unstable girl she had just met.

Sooyoung sniffed, using her hoodie’s sleeve to wipe her face. The dark, dry blood that was more black than red now, stained the fabric, reminding her again why she was there to begin with.

She must be looking awful, much worse than her usual crap self. She wondered if Jiwoo refused to look at anywhere besides her eyes because she was too disgusted by her face – it wouldn’t be the first time. People in that country cared more about a pretty face than anything else, and Sooyoung had lost hers years ago. Clenching her first, she lowered her head, covering the left side of her face with her hair.

Jiwoo short, yet energetic strides soon matched hers. The girl tugged something on her hand, her fingers brushing against hers for only a brief moment as she made sure Sooyoung wouldn’t drop the thing. Her skin wasn’t soft, but it was warm and even though the touch was so brief, it still felt nice.

Sooyoung let her gaze fall down to her hand, looking at what the strange girl had given her. At first, she thought it was a handkerchief, but the fabric wasn’t as soft or well decorated. It was a napkin, a simple white napkin. She frowned and the girl must have noticed it.

 **“For your face. Sorry, I only have this on me, but I think it will help anyway.”** Jiwoo said with her high pitched and gentle voice, a small, tense smile plastered on her face. **“The restaurant is not far from here. We are closed now, but you can still use the bathroom to wash up.”**

Closing her hand around the napkin, she threw it at the ground, giving the other woman a hateful look. No, she didn’t hate that stranger that was probably the nicest person she had met in years, but she hated the way she was ruining her plans and making her second guess herself…Making she feel embarrassed and vulnerable. **“Why? Looking at my face disturbs you so much that you can’t stand it any longer? Then fuck off and leave me alone!”**   She screamed, her voice hoarse, echoing through the night and being lost in the city’s noise.

Jiwoo pursed her lips in a tight line, leaning in to grab the napkin and gently brush the dust off of it. Her gestures were so calm and collected, as if she had expected to receive this kind of reaction and it didn’t bother her. She had a resolute look on her face when she finally looked at Sooyoung. **“Your face is not even close of being the worst thing I’ve ever seen.”** She took a step closer, her eyes darting through the taller girl’s face as if she was taking in every detail. She was showing Sooyoung she wouldn’t be intimidate, not by her face, nor by her attitude. **“But I guess you probably were taught to see yourself in such a way that is much worse than reality.”** She lift her hands, using the soft tissue of her sleeve to wipe away the blood of Sooyoung’s face – the girl backed away, surprised by the sudden contact.

 **“D-Don’t touch me!”** She protested, her voice sounding weak and too quiet to be intimidating. Still, Kim nodded slowly.

 **“I just want to make you feel a bit better.”** The woman took a step back, guarantying Ha the space she needed. **“Just come with me…Please.”** Her tone was surprisingly soft and tender now, a glimpse of hope in her eyes that took Soo aback. That stranger wasn’t as collected and on control as she liked to show, her façade was crumbling pretty fast.

Sooyoung averted her gaze, letting it travel back to the dark water below, thinking that it was the perfect chance of walking away from that girl and keep the promise she had made to herself. Jiwoo might look like she means well, but Ha knew better than trust people, she couldn’t even trust her own mother, why would she trust a stranger? Even if the girl was being honest, what difference would it make to follow her? A nobody that worked at some cheap restaurant couldn’t save her from the world she was part of, she couldn’t save her from the life Sooyoung wanted to escape from. But still, why she felt so tempted to accept the offer? Why she felt the need to cling onto the hope Jiwoo represented, even when she knew it was all in vain?

She felt the sudden burn of tears in her eyes, a knot on her throat making it hard to breath properly. After all she went through, how pathetic of her to breakdown over a small thing like an act of kindness. She tried to wipe the tears away using the dirty sleeve of her hoodie, ready to reject Jiwoo’s offer and pretend that girl had never crossed her path, but then again there she was – warm, gentle hands, holding onto her arm to prevent her actions. **“Your clothes are dirty, it will hurt your eyes. You don’t have to hide your tears.”** Jiwoo looked at her, and ever so slightly her lips curved into a small smile that had a very unique gentleness to it, one that not even Sooyoung’s cynicism could taint. Slowly, the shorter girl let go of her arm, grabbing her hoodie’s sleeve gently as she began walking, prompting Ha to follow her.

Kim’s grip was loose enough to allow her to pull away, to reject it and leave.

She didn’t. Instead, she just followed the girl.

 

* * *

 

They walked through alleyways, a maze of grey streets full of all sort of people, dominated by the smell of cheap food and soju. The farther away they got from her house, entering into the much less noble part of the city, the more she should’ve worried that Jiwoo was only someone trying to use her in some sort of illegal business that would be only another down point on Sooyoung’s life. Yet, the farther away they got from her old life, the easier it got to breath.

The small restaurant smelled like noodles, the smell of so many meals prepared was impregnated on the thin walls. Jiwoo led the way, showing her the tiny bathroom and offering her a small towel as well. There was an old mirror over the sink, and one quick glance at it was enough for Sooyoung feel like crap all over again. Kim must have noticed it, because she didn’t leave right away, instead she opened the faucet, making the clear water run as she gently gestured to Sooyoung to use it. **“Wash up. I’ll try to find something for your wounds.”**

Maybe Jiwoo wanted her clean so she could sell her off to some foreign or whatever dirty business people did nowadays, but the thought seem so unrealistic and silly that she couldn’t even force herself to give a sarcastic reply. Everything, from the big brown eyes that were so serious but kind, to the words that always sounded so sincere, made it really hard to not trust Jiwoo. Soo nodded slowly, keeping her eyes on the worn out tiles on the wall.

Without the other girl around, she leaned in to wash off all the dry blood on her face, letting the brownish liquid flow down the drain with the memories of another unpleasant day at school. Being beat up by other kids wasn’t very common, she wasn’t a small and weak type and the bullies were usually happy enough with only torturing her with words, the aggression was something so unexpected that she couldn’t even try to defend herself before Hyorin’s punch landed on her face making blood flow like a waterfall from her sensitive nose. That fucking nurse hadn’t even covered it, too busy worrying about the ending of her shift to do anything other than tell Sooyoung that she should be glad her nose wasn’t broken. Yes, Sooyoung was feeling so fucking glad that she wouldn’t mind breaking the other woman’s nose for her to know how it felt like.

The cold water hitting her face made her sore lip sting, but it was a nice feeling to have her face clean again. She got rid of her hoodie, taking it off and washing her forearms as well. She also took off her jacket throwing it away just like she did with the tie. A shiver run through her body, but she didn’t care, at least she felt a little free now.

Looking into the mirror was still uncomfortable, and even though the lines of the scars seem even more obvious now, she felt it was a bit easier to face herself. She crossed her arms in front of her, straightening her back as if like this she could look more presentable, but the girl that looked back at her still resembled a wounded bird who was no longer able to fly – it was just like she felt, incapable and useless.

 **“You finished? Come with me, I found something that might help.”** Jiwoo said, her tone slightly different, as if the glint of hope she had seen in her eyes earlier was slowly spreading through her body. Sooyoung wasn’t sure why the other girl would feel like this, but still she followed her steps, noticing how quick and firm the girl’s steps were – she had small feet, wrapped on old black sneakers that seem too heavy for such a tiny girl. It was weird, everything about that girl seemed so contrasting, almost like she was never meant to be the way she was now.

The raven frowned, shaking her head ever so slightly, reminded herself to not pry into people’s lives like they liked to do with hers.

Taking a seat on a wooden chair, she watched as the younger woman worked quickly, opening a small bottle of what was probably some kind of antiseptic, wetting a swab with the liquid and leaning in to touch Sooyoung’s lips with it, making the girl flinch. **“I can do it myself.”** She said firmly, snatching the swab out of Jiwoo’s hands and slowly taking it to her wounded lips.

 

* * *

 

Jiwoo contained a sigh, averting her gaze to the closed doors of the restaurant. So much was going through her mind now and she was trying her best to not let it show on her face, what was becoming increasingly harder. Kim should’ve known things would be like this, she had this feeling on the back of her mind ever since she started watching Sooyoung from the distance. No, she wasn’t a stalker. However, maybe Ha would still prefer it over who she really was and the reasons that led Jiwoo to her.

She planned to talk to the girl soon and end things quickly, taking the responsibility out of her already overworked hands. However, the situation she found wasn’t at all what she expected.

 

_The first time she had seen Sooyoung, peeking through the fancy gates of a school that she would never be able to set a foot inside, she observed girls coming and going until a certain one grabbed her attention. The name tag had in black letters the name ‘Ha Sooyoung’ exposed, a name that sounded much more intimidating and elegant than the girl that carry it. The girl walked with her head hanging low, dark hair strategically covering her face, her long legs were a bit too thin and her steps were quick denouncing her urge in getting out of there. An urge Jiwoo understood as soon as she heard the muffled laughs and the way the other students looked at the girl with…Disgust?!_

_She had met her fair share of bullies in her life, most of them she had found a way to either turn into allies or keep away by using a variety of tactics that went from simple blackmail to the use of her small, yet heavy, fists to knock them out – even if it meant she would also receive one or two punches as well. Jiwoo wasn’t expecting to find this kind of blatant bullying in such a fancy school._

_Was it really the Ha Sooyoung she was looking for? Ha wasn’t that common of a last name and the tall, slender silhouette fitted the girl she only had seen in pictures before – pictures from years ago, pictures that maybe weren’t faithful at all to the person Sooyoung had become over the years. The girl in the pictures had a confident look in her eyes, her young face was beautifully adorned with nearly perfect features, even in the tight ballet clothes she looked flawless. Could it be that the popular ballerina had grown up to become an outcast?_

_It wasn’t her place to interfere, but watching the scene without doing anything was making her feel nauseated._

_The closer the girl got from the exit, the easier it was to understand what was happening and the realization crushed Jiwoo._

_Sooyoung kept her head low to hide the scars on her face. Scars that weren’t enough to hide the beauty underneath, but that were enough to make her once perfect face flawed, turning her into an easy target to the merciless kids. No wonder there weren’t any new pictures or articles about the ballet prodigy._

_Jiwoo closed her hands into fists, feeling angry at the students for mocking the girl, at herself for not defending her, and mostly, to the fate that had put them in such situation._

_She was supposed to talk to the girl, to run to her and get it done. However, she couldn’t. Not that day and not for the week that followed. Kim just watched it. Everyday, as if it was a penitence for both, she watched Sooyoung walk out of the school, her steps heavier and heavier as the expression on her face become darker and lifeless, completely unaware of the other girl’s presence._

_She probably wouldn’t have talked to her today if she hadn’t notice the blood on Sooyoung’s face and the despair in her eyes. Therefore, for the first time, she followed her outside the school. Jiwoo expected the girl to notice her, but Sooyoung’s clumsy steps seem to lead nowhere as heavy sobs shook her body. Ha was engrossed in her own pain and Jiwoo could understand it, she just saw a glimpse of the girl’s life and it was enough for her to know that it wasn’t a pleasant one._

_To say she was surprised when she realized where they were at would be a lie. Jiwoo had seen despair many times in her life, it wasn’t unexpected that Sooyoung ended up in the end of the line for a quick escape._

_For the first time, she armored herself with courage and interfered. Saving people was a burden that she would rather to not carry, but life said otherwise._

 

Her gaze went back to the dark haired woman who was still struggling with the antiseptic. Jiwoo’s eyes become a little softer at the sight. Sooyoung had a weird quality to her that made it hard for Kim to not empathize with her. Her clumsy gestures, the way her lips were trembling due to the pain, even the way her pretty eyes narrowed as she tried her best to suppress any exclamation that could denounce her pain…Whatever it was, it left a subtle, but present, pain in Jiwoo’s heart as she took in every move and every word the other girl uttered.

Just like earlier, she allowed her instincts to command her actions, reaching out to gently grab the older girl’s hand, taking the task of applying the medicine to herself. **“Will be faster and hurt less if I do it.”** She said, providing Sooyoung with a small, almost shy, smile as she leaned in – this time the other woman didn’t move away. Jiwoo tried to be as gentle as possible, her small but reliable hands, brushing the swab on Soo’s broken lip, shortly followed by a soft blow coming from Kim’s lips to soothe the pain caused by the antiseptic. **“I’m sorry, we should’ve bought something for you on the way. I didn’t know this one stings so much.”** The truth was, her head had been so full of thoughts she had forgotten.

Having finished with her lips, Jiwoo’s gaze travelled through her face in search of other wounds. She noticed the way the girl’s nose was slightly swollen, a purple color invading the space beneath her eyes. Jiwoo pursed her lips into a thin line, wondering if the girl had broken her nose.

 **“It’s not broken, just bruised.”** As if she could hear her thoughts, Sooyoung pulled back **. “It’s okay, you’ve already done enough.”**

Jiwoo couldn’t tell by her tone if she was trying to be arrogant, trying to push the topic aside or just thanking her – perhaps all three. Nevertheless, it didn’t matter, Jiwoo wasn’t expecting for gratitude, although it would have been welcome.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to find something to say. It was obvious that the girl would be out of there in a second if she didn’t distract her again. Kim didn’t even wanted to think about what could happen if Sooyoung was out there alone again – it would probably the last time she would see the girl, and for some unknown reason, her heart wrenched at the thought. **“You want to eat something? Well, we are in a restaurant after all.”** She left out a chuckle that sounded hollow even to her own ears, and not surprisingly, it didn’t have any effect on the taller girl.

 **“I’m not hungry.”** Sooyoung said with a tone that was as inexpressive as her face, she was looking at Jiwoo, but it felt more like she was looking _through_ her. It was a mystery why the girl hadn’t stood up and left yet. Maybe she also didn’t know what to do.

Drawing another breath, the younger woman stood up, walking towards the refrigerator. **“What about a drink? We have juice and soda...”**

 **“Can you get me a Coke?”** When Jiwoo looked back, she was faced with a look that resembled the one of a child on Sooyoung’s face, it was almost hesitant, but eager.

Kim smiled, the first natural smile that graced her face that night, getting one of the red cans and giving it to the older girl who thanked her with a short bow.

Taking a sip of her soda, she observed the other girl as she struggled to open the can, drinking willingly. The raven gulped down the liquid, only stopping to cough lightly. Was she that thirsty? She could’ve asked for something before…But then she noticed the way the girl’s hands were shaking, her slender fingers pressing hard against the can as she lifted it once more to finish its content.

Jiwoo had to bite back a question, afraid of disrupting her.

Therefore, she just stood up, walking to the refrigerator to get another can for the girl.

 

* * *

 

Sooyoung downed two cans of soda in a matter of minutes, feeling the sweetness slowly spread through her body bringing her a momentary happiness that had more to do with the sweet memories it brought her, rather than the actual sugar high. When she was younger drinking this kind of beverage was strictly prohibited to her – it was too caloric and unhealthy for a ballerina, it would ruin her figure and make her sick –, still, once in a while, in one of the rare occasions she got to have some free time and just act like a normal kid, her dad would allow her to drink and eat whatever she felt like and she would always choose the simple beverage that seemed extra sweet. However, her dad was long gone, just like her career.

Keeping a hold of the now empty can, she allowed herself to take a couple of deep, shaky breaths. She tried to imagine she was back to one of the afternoons she would spend with her dad in their special place, eating cheap food that her mother wouldn’t approve and talking about silly things, his big and gentle hands would pat her hair affectionately as he would tell her that she shouldn’t be so hard on herself always and just act like the kid she was – back then she hated being called a kid, now she would give it all to hear his voice calling her again. It was impossible to go back in time, even in her mind. No matter how hard she tried, she was still stuck in the present, in a cramped restaurant that smelled like cheap noodles in the company of someone she barely knew and who wouldn’t even be there if she hadn’t tried to take her own life.

Putting the can aside, she lift her hands to her face, but gave up half way – she hated the feeling of the scars against her natural skin, every time she had to touch it was like she could feel the wounds open up again, engulfing her. She closed her eyes, resting her head on the table. Her urge to jump was no longer there, albeit the hollowness was still present, making her feel numb to her surroundings. She didn’t have a reason to keep going, yet, she wasn’t brave enough to do it. She would be pushed back to her empty life tomorrow and it would have been just another terrible night to add to her list…

Sooyoung almost jumped on her seat when she felt the soft material of Jiwoo’s jacket engulfing her in warmth and was it…strawberry scent? **“You can keep it. I’ve another one here.”** Jiwoo’s voice had a sweet quality to it now, just like the hands that gently fixed the jacket over her shoulders, touching her arms and back in slow motions as to warm her up. Sooyoung hadn’t even noticed she was so cold until now.  She was being treated like a child and it should annoy her, but it didn’t. It’s been too long since anyone had cared for her, and even if it was for pity…just for a little while she would accept.

When she looked at the younger girl, she was greeted by a small, yet genuine smile. There wasn’t pity in her expression, it was closer to relief and maybe even hope. It was almost fond. Somehow, it seem like the first time she was really seeing Jiwoo. **“Do you want to go somewhere else? I think it can make you feel better.”**

Ha hesitated for a moment, all sort of questions running through her mind. What were that girl’s intentions? How far she was willing to go to figure out? Did she even want to go with Jiwoo? Was it worth to trust her once more? And even if it was, what difference would it make in the long run? It wasn’t like making a friend now could change anything…Perhaps that was the exactly reason why she should go. It didn’t matter anymore. So why not?

Jiwoo had shown her nothing but kindness so far, even giving her the space she needed. Maybe, as one last nice thing in her life, she could act like time have stopped and she was a normal person again.

Slowly, she stood up.

**“I have a place I want to visit.”**

 

* * *

 

Jiwoo slowed her steps to accommodate the taller girl’s ones. Sooyoung looked tired, and by the way she would drag her feet it wasn’t difficult to tell her body was starting to protest. Subtly, she checked how much money she still had on her and luckily it was enough to pay the bus fare. It would have been easier to grab a taxi, but still, it was better than walk all the way to the Naksan Park – the one place Sooyoung wanted to visit. The Park had quite a few steps to go up to and she wondered if Ha would be able to do it.

She made sure they took a seat as soon as they boarded the bus – what wasn’t hard, due to the late hour there wasn’t many people there –, silence filling their short journey. Kim watched as the raven closed her eyes with a deep sigh, resting against the plastic bench. Ha didn’t move or talk, her heavy breath denoting that she was in a state closer to sleep albeit they both knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep now.

Sooyoung still looked broken, but Jiwoo wanted to believe that her agreeing on coming was a good signal. Kim’s eyes inspected her face. As usual, Sooyoung made sure to not expose the scattered side of her face, so now Jiwoo had a closer look to the healthy, perfectly normal side that was as pretty as a paint. It was such a pretty view that she was having a hard time not staring at her.

She could see why the girl was so self conscious, it wasn’t that the scars were that bad – although it was shocking at first, it wasn’t enough to ruin the pretty features –, it was the fact that she had to compare her once perfect face with what was left.

Jiwoo furrowed her brows. The Ha’s were a wealthy family, she knew that much. She also knew South Korea had some of the best plastic surgeons in the world. Why Sooyoung was left with such scars when a cosmetic procedure could have fixed it? By the way she always hid her face, it was obviously not her choice…But maybe the choice wasn’t up to her.

Pursing her lips into a tight line, Kim averted her gaze to out of the window. She used to think that life had treat her badly, that she was being somehow punished for the pain she had indirectly caused. Looking at Sooyoung made her think if she was really the one suffering.

She got lost in her thoughts as she watched the view slowly change as they got near their destination.

With a sigh, she reach out to touch Sooyoung’s shoulder. **“We are here.”** It wasn’t need much effort, the dark haired woman opened her eyes and Jiwoo made sure to greet her with a friendly smile. **“Come on.”** Sooyoung only nodded in response, her eyes still glossed with sleepiness.

They were left at one of the Park’s entrance, luckily close enough to make their hiking a little easier.

The smaller brunette walked closer to the other girl, she would support Sooyoung if it was needed, but they would reach the very top. It might look silly, or even nonsense, however, she felt that going there has a special meaning for the other woman, and perhaps a small thing like this could bring some hope back to her life.

 

* * *

 

Ha’s steps were unstable and a bit too slow, but Jiwoo didn’t say a thing, instead, she only took a loose hold on Sooyoung’s sleeve making sure she would be able to lean on her if she needed to.

 **“I like this place. It’s been a long time since I saw it in person.”** Kim said, looking around. They hadn’t reached the top yet, but it was already possible to see some parts of the city unveiled below.  **“You come here often?”**

 **“No.”** Sooyoung said under her breath and shook her head slightly, her lips pressed together in a grimace. She could feel her feet burning from the effort, the school’s elegant black shoes were crushing her delicate feet and making the pain worse. Jiwoo was probably able to notice the way she was limping by now, it was impossible when she couldn’t help but lean on the girl’s arm for support. **“I should’ve come earlier.”**

Jiwoo was nice enough to not ask her why, only nodding as she came a little closer, providing Ha a better support. Sooyoung thanked her mentally, trying to ignore the pain and keep going. She meant to come here ever since the accident, but at first she couldn’t simply walk there when her mom’s sharp gaze was watching over her like a hawk, full of what she liked to call concern but that was probably just her wish to keep Sooyoung under her power. As time passed and she was able to avoid her mother’s scrutiny once in a while, she couldn’t find the courage to come to the place she only had good memories of and taint it with her depressive feelings.

She wasn’t even sure if she was supposed to be there now.

However, having Jiwoo’s presence next to her somehow made her feel a little braver.

 **“Knowing my parents doesn’t explain why you would help me.”** She lifted her head, looking at the shorter girl. Her tone was more curious than wary now. Whoever that girl was, she couldn’t be someone bad if she was willing to do so much for her when all she had done in return was given her rude words. She prompted them to stop. **“So why?”**

The raven could notice the way Jiwoo avoided her gaze, her jawline becoming more prominent with tension as she took her time to answer. **“I’m trying to fix some things.”** Her brown eyes were now focused on Sooyoung again, her words quiet and sincere. **“I made a promise and I’d like to keep it.”**

 **“So, I’m your little charity project?”** She gave the girl a sarcastic smile.

 **“No.”** Jiwoo simply denied. 

Such a vague, suspicious answer should make her uncomfortable and distrustful. Yet, the look on Jiwoo’s eyes was so honest that she couldn’t bring herself to push her away and ask to be left alone.

**“Good because I don’t need any more of this kind of bullshit.”**

Pulling Jiwoo by the arm, she started to walk again.

 

* * *

 

Reaching the top of the park was both rewarding and tiring. The girls stopped in front of the short walls that protected the place, being graced by the gorgeous view of the city lights in the distance. Both had only seen it on TV for so long and seeing it in person brought them a different feeling, although for different reasons.

Jiwoo was mesmerized by the view, her eyes gaining a new glint as she marveled over every detail. She wished she had a camera with her, one good enough to capture at least a fraction of the feelings that were filling her chest now. For the first time in a long while, she felt like she could leave her problems aside and just enjoy this moment.

Sooyoung was astonished, not by the beauty of the view, but by the memories that hit her. The place was as pretty as she remembered and being there she could almost touch the precious moments in her mind. Instead of her sadness ruining things, it was like the calm atmosphere could reach her core, shaking her insides and obligating her to recognize its power. When she closed her eyes with unreleased tears, she could hear the faint sound of her dad’s hearty laugh and suddenly it was easy to breathe again.

When Jiwoo carefully slipped her hand into Sooyoung’s, she just squeezed it back, finding comfort in the touch.

Both girls just stood there, for a minute that seem infinite, it felt as time had stopped. The gentle breeze and the distant sounds of the city, the scents of the flowers above and the subtle smell of damp grass.

When Sooyoung finally opened her eyes to face the city lights, she felt as if things, even if just slightly, were better now. Jiwoo’s hand was still on her, the rough skin had a firm grip on hers, irradiating warmth – the feeling was nice and new, and she instinctively broke the contact, taking a step away.

 **“We should take a seat.”** Ha said, approaching the short wall to sit there. She noticed the way Jiwoo’s eyes grew in concern as the girl followed her. It was both endearing and annoying to have someone caring for her so much. Snickering, she shook her head and used a hand to motion the space below them. **“I’m not jumping. It would ruin the view.”**

Jiwoo nodded slowly, her eyes still carrying the worry she couldn’t shake off completely. Sooyoung looked a bit better now, but she knew better than underestimate her condition. She wanted to reach out and grab her hand again, but she didn’t. Kim could only hope that this place would only bring the girl good feelings instead of burdening her.

 **“Why this place?”** Jiwoo questioned, looking at the raven as she took a seat beside her.

Sooyoung took a deep breath, her eyes somewhere else as she took her time to answer. She didn’t like talking about herself or her family, but once more, what she had to lose? Keeping things for herself hadn’t helped so far. **“I used to come here with my dad.”** It was a simple answer, but still, much better than her usual defensive replies. 

 **“My dad was never the type to take us to…Anywhere. He was always busy, one way or another.”** Jiwoo candid answer carried a heavy undertone that matched the dark look in her eyes. Sooyoung blinked, averting her eyes to the girl again. She concluded she liked the hopeful glint in Jiwoo’s eyes much better than this look.

 **“Was?”** It wasn’t her place to try prying into anyone’s business, but she felt like Kim needed to speak about it – perhaps as much as she did.

 **“When I was thirteen he left our lives and now he is not even alive anymore.”** Jiwoo shrugged, feigning an indifference she clearly didn’t feel. She tried so hard to not become bitter about her dad, but it was impossible to not harbor ill feelings towards the man. Even if he didn’t do it on purpose, he still had affected her and her family’s life negatively and it wasn’t something she could ever ignore – not when she was still feeling the aftermath of his actions every day. **”I think he meant well, but life got the best of him and in the end he forgot what really mattered.”**

To talk about it with Sooyoung out of all people was awkward, albeit she had the feeling it was the right thing to do. Jiwoo liked to live her life honestly, in all senses. She liked being honest with herself and the people around her, after all, at the end of the day people would always find things out on their own, so it was better for her to just tell them herself. Still, she couldn’t simply pour out her truths on Sooyoung, not yet.

 **“I have my mother and two little brothers. They needed him as much as I did, but we didn’t get a choice.”** She looked at her own worn out pants, thinking about how much she had to work to help her mother to keep their family going when all their money was gone. Even now, after six years, things still weren’t the best. Lifting her gaze to meet Ha’s face, her lips curved into a faint smile. **“Thank you for letting me come with you. Sometimes I forget we can give ourselves a moment of happiness even if its not as we planned.”**

Hugging herself, Sooyoung avoided her eyes. It was ironic that she was the one hearing that phrase when Jiwoo had even paid for them to come to this place…She should be the one thanking her, but still, it was hard to thank Jiwoo for saving her when she couldn’t see a prospect for the future except for the pain of being back in a world full of vicious people and painful memories. Was it even worth to keep going just for little moments like this? She wasn’t sure it was worth it.

 **“Is that why you work at that place?”** She said still avoiding the girl’s look, her curiosity interlaced with something else. **“Because of your family?”**

 **“Yes, but not only that.”** Jiwoo nodded slowly as she organized her thoughts. **“It’s for me too…At least now.”** She moved on her place, a little uncomfortable. **“At first it was about helping my mother paying the bills and getting food on the table, but things are better now. My brothers have left to serve, and even before it, they were helping as well. I used to think that when the right time comes I would be able to drop out of one of my jobs and maybe I could go back to school, but I guess I was too naïve.”** She tried to keep a neutral expression, one that didn’t reflect her heart’s content. She was a fool for thinking the little money she had now would be enough to pay for college, she was even more foolish to think she could get into a good institution when her grades had never been the greatest and she barely had make it out of high school. Even if she could get in, she would need a lot more money to stay in school long enough to get a degree. And even if she ever had a degree, it was no guarantee of a job, she would need to collect more and more qualifications that would all take a lot of money and…It was an endless circle, one that she couldn’t afford to give in to.

She forced a smile, much more optimistic than she could ever allow herself to be. **“But I like my work! I like talking to people and cooking, and well, I always get free food.”** She shrugged once more, her smile becoming smaller. It was truth she didn’t hate the job, it was honest money after all, however it wasn’t always easy to work long hours dealing with customers for a low pay. **“It’s alright. I decided to save myself enough money so I can buy the place when Mr. Oh retires.”** This time her smile was easy. It wasn’t her original dream, but it was a more realistic one and for once Jiwoo would rather to be practical. It was okay to have dreams, as long as they weren’t impossible ones.

Sooyoung blinked slowly, the information taking time to reach her above the breeze that had slowly turned into a constant wind – different from earlier, it didn’t hurt her face, it was somewhat calming. Jiwoo’s words resonated on her mind, the other girl seem so mature and grounded, so different from what one would expect by seeing her almost childlike features. Although it explained a lot.

Her excited words didn’t carry the usual sincerity to them and Sooyoung knew she was trying to convince herself as hard as she was trying to convince her. It was admirable. In her world where high education was a given even though most of her schoolmates would never really need to use their degrees for something other them keep a façade while making other people work for them, it was easy to forget that such thing was a privilege that many people couldn’t afford. Life wasn’t fair at all, one way or another, it always found a way to take away people’s happiness.

Jiwoo wasn’t having an easy life either, still she was still trying her best to keep going. In comparison to her, she should look even more pathetic.

 **“You have all figured.”** Hugging her knees and bringing them closer to her chest, she rested her head on it. **“I-I don’t.”** Her voice broke a little, weaker and muffled by the jacket. She wished she could be as brave as Jiwoo and just face things with her head high, but she couldn’t. Even now, it was hard to share a bit of her life. **“Every time I try, I just…Just think is not worth it.”** Admit it aloud seem much worse than just the thought.  Why couldn’t she be a little braver?

Kim wasn’t expecting for the girl to open up like this, she was afraid her words would drive Sooyoung away instead of bringing them closer, but it seem like sharing her own vulnerability had helped the raven to do the same. Seeing Sooyoung so fragile was heartbreaking, but she knew it was the first step in the right direction. Her wish was to hug the girl tight – she didn’t, afraid it would scare her away.

She decided to be honest. **“I don’t know if it really is. I don’t know if it will ever be worth it.** **But I also think that it would be a waste of time to just give up on all the years I survive in this world, everything I went though….”** Jiwoo let out a heavy, pained, sigh. Most of the days she felt like her life was pointless, especially now that she didn’t have to worry about what would happen to her family if she wasn’t around anymore – a family, the one thing that kept her grounded and the one thing Sooyoung seem to lack. Perhaps she could become the one to help Sooyoung to stay grounded, maybe it was the universe’s plan all along. **“I don’t want my life to be just a waste of time. So I decided I’d make it worth it, in my own way.”** The brunette was aware that words couldn’t do much, that maybe her speech sound as superficial and useless as all the other Sooyoung heard before, still she wished her sincerity could reach the girl’s heart. **“I think I deserve this chance. And you too.”**

Sooyoung looked at her – not through her this time –, her beautiful dark eyes filled with uncertainty, and maybe, just maybe, a glimpse of hope.

This time Jiwoo didn’t hesitate, she just leaned forward, hugging the girl as tight as she could. And Sooyoung let her, crying in the first friendly embrace she received in a long time.

The tears still made her eyes burn and the sobs hurt her throat, however, this time she didn’t feel suffocate by it, instead she felt the weight on her shoulders becoming lighter as Jiwoo’s warmth involved her.

 

* * *

 

For a long time they just stood there, hugging each other in search of the comfort both needed, until Sooyoung’s sobs had turned into deep, calm, breaths. Jiwoo caressed her back, resting her chin on the girl’s shoulder, filled with a relief that was born from the fact that she knew Sooyoung was better now – even if only for today.

Eventually they moved, taking a place on the grass of the park, having the night sky as their only companion. None of the girls said a word, however the silence was comfortable, the kind of silence someone needs after such strong emotions.

When someone finally dared to break the atmosphere, it was Ha. **“What would you do if you had the choice? I mean, about the future.”** Her voice low and almost shy, as she stole a glance of the shorter brunette beside her. Caring about someone else’s life was a new feeling, one that should make her feel burdened by another worry, but instead it made her feel good. She could feel this connection between the two of them and maybe it was something she had missed for long and just hadn’t realized – friendship. **“Would you still buy a restaurant?”**

Jiwoo furrowed her brows slightly, surprised by the question, but soon her confused expression gave place to a smile that was bright enough to make the night seem a little warmer. **“If I could do or be anything I wanted?”** Her tone now carried childlike enthusiasm, revealing a part of her personality she was so used to hide that it had almost vanished. **“I would go to college, get a music degree and maybe become a teacher? I think I could be happy doing it.”** She nodded, the smile on her becoming a little weaker now. It was nice to imagine a good future like this, no matter how unrealistic it was. **“I guess I would get some piano classes as well, I used to play when I was younger. I was never that great at it, but it was fun.”**

 **“I can picture that. You would be a good teacher.”** With her gaze still on the city lights that shone bright in the distance, Sooyoung fought a smile. It was hard to believe that after how they had met, Jiwoo was still able to make her smile and think about things she wouldn’t allow herself to normally. Was it even right to feel like this now? She had been in a dark place for so long that it was hard to accept any good thing in her life. Still, Jiwoo’s hopeful voice and her candid smile were hard to ignore.

Giving in, she looked at the girl and for a brief moment it took her breath away – no, not in the painful way she was used to, but as in if a sudden bubble of warm, good, energy had broke right into her taking her air away and giving her something else in return. Hours ago she couldn’t even bring herself to wish for a better life for herself, now she wanted one for the tiny girl who had saved her. **“I wish you could do that.”**

 **“Maybe someday.”** Hugging herself, enveloped by the thick jacket she had picked up at the restaurant, Kim eyed the raven as if waiting for her to share her own dreams as well. She wanted to ask about it directly, but she knew better than push the other, therefore she just offered an encouraging smile hoping it would reassure Sooyoung that it was okay to allow herself to dream a little bit too. Life sucked, for both of them, but still, they could try to make this isolate night into something good.

She heard a heavy, sad, sigh echo through the night. A signal that Sooyoung was ready to speak.

 **“I used to do ballet. It was all I knew for a long time.”** Ha’s voice was so quiet that if she wasn’t paying close attention to it, she would have missed it. **“But I can’t do it anymore. No matter how hard I try, my moves are never quite right, my knee won’t ever heal completely, people will never look at me the same way.”** Although Sooyoung spoke fast, perhaps trying to detach herself from the memories, it was obvious how much it affected her. Jiwoo refrained from taking her hand again and squeezing it in support, she could hear the pain in the words and it was worst knowing what was coming next. **“I should’ve joined a good company by now, but I’m not even as good as a kid anymore.”**

Clenching her hands into tight fists, Sooyoung crushed the soft grass. The small smile that once graced her face substituted by a tight line as she fought back tears burning her eyes. It was so foolish of her, to still miss and wish for things she couldn’t have. Her mother told her to give up after the first year of physical therapy failed on giving her perfect results – back then she felt too defeat and frustrated with herself to protest, only accepting her mom’s words and sinking in self-pity and hatred. Now that she was older and more aware of the circumstances, she realized she should’ve fight, should’ve stood up for herself and tried harder…Maybe like this she wouldn’t feel the way she does now. **“I’m fucking useless now.”**

This time Jiwoo didn’t try to contain her impulses and leaned in, taking Sooyoung’s face between her warm palms. **“Cut this crap. You are not useless.”** It wasn’t like her to curse or to be this harsh at people she cared about, and perhaps because she cared so much, she was now. **“So what if it’s not perfect? You may not be able to join a fancy academy or whatever, but you still can dance for _yourself_. To make _you_ happy.” **Her voice got softer, the big brown eyes showing fondness in them. **“I may not be able to get a degree at it, but I still sing whenever I can. Sometimes we have to do things, even if small ones, for ourselves.”** Brushing her thumbs against the soft skin of Sooyoung’s cheeks, a gentle, feather like touch as she reached the scar in the left side.

Sooyoung pulled back, but not fast enough to avoid the touch, her usual rejection to anyone that dared to even come close to her old wounds weaker. She didn’t even liked to touch it herself, and the few occasions people tried to do so, it was always for some weird kind of curiosity that only made her feel even more  self-aware. Jiwoo’s touch, however, didn’t carry the same feeling, it was so soft and gentle, almost as if she wanted to reach her heart instead of just feel the rough skin against her fingers. The fact that there wasn’t any negative emotions on her face, not even the glimpse of pity in her eyes, made Sooyoung hesitate to break the contact. It wasn’t the touch that scared her. Kim’s words, bold statements that she seemed to believe with all her heart, had taken Sooyoung aback.

She was always too caught up on her emotions, on how her life had crashed and burned right in front of her eyes before she even had a chance to do anything about it, thinking about her failed dreams, to even think about ways to turn things around. She was raised to be a perfectionist, to be the best and nothing else. If she couldn’t, it meant she wasn’t even worth the time…Even now, the simple idea of trying to practice again by herself was scary – she still remembered the pain and the hurt of being unable to do the most basic things. She couldn’t possibly take the failure again, it would crush her heart instead of filling it with joy.

Lowering her head, she was about to tell Jiwoo this when the girl cut her again.

 **“You are more than this, Sooyoung. More than just failing or succeeding, or anyone’s opinion…Even mine.”** She said with a sweet tone that contrasted with the fierceness in her eyes. Jiwoo might be small, but she surely was stubborn. **“Give yourself a chance. Maybe you’ll figure out that there is joy in everything, as long as you put your heart on it.”**

Sooyoung hugged herself, feeling vulnerable to the girl’s firm stare. **“What if it only makes me even more miserable?”**

Jiwoo locked eyes with the taller girl, determination and hope glinting in hers, while Sooyoung’s dark ones sparked with a mix of uncertainty and wistfulness. **“Then we’ll find something else that can make you happy.”**

**“And what if we can’t find anything?”**

Kim didn’t smile this time, her voice reflecting her inner resolution. **“Then I’ll take charge of making you happy myself.”**

 

* * *

 

They both were lying on the floor, eyes on the sky which Jiwoo had been naming the few constellations she could spot through the clouds of pollution and the brightness of the city.

It was late and getting colder, but still, they didn’t want to end this moment just yet.

Sooyoung had been quiet, she was still tired, but her eyes never closed for more than a few seconds. She would only listen to the brunette’s voice and brush their fingers together once in a while, as the only way Jiwoo had to know she was still, indeed, paying attention to her words. The younger woman didn’t seem to mind, instead she just tried her best to elaborate her explanations.

The raven’s mind insisted on going back to Jiwoo’s words, replaying the single moment where she made her a promise that seem too big for anyone to fulfill. Words weren’t reliable, people would say anything to make a point or to obtain something. Yet, Jiwoo had got to her, shaking it with the warmth the girl seem to easily touch Sooyoung with, turning her hardened heart soft again.

Maybe she just really needed a friend. Maybe she just wanted someone to rely on so much that she was willing to accept anything. Maybe Jiwoo was just special.

Probably all the answers were correct.

 **“What happened to make you stop dancing was the same thing that hurt your face?”** Jiwoo finally gathered the courage to bring herself to speak. Hours passed since she had made such a bold and important promise, and albeit she was determinate to keep it no matter what, the weight of her own secrets was slowly stacking up her shoulders as guilt washes over her.  She wondered if Sooyoung would even allow her anywhere near when she told her everything.

She expected Ha to flinch, to show any sign of discomfort that discouraged her to insist on it. However, all she got in reply was a deep, long inhale, before the other woman spoke in a deep low voice. **“Car accident. We were hit by a drunk driver.”**

Jiwoo felt herself tensing up. She knew it, she had known since the very beginning, why did it hurt so much to hear it? Guilt was a very powerful thing.

The memories of the accident were still fresh on Sooyoung’s mind, as if she was seeing it happen all over again in front of her. Still, she felt numb to them. **“My dad wasn’t so lucky. The car that hit us, hit the driver’s side with so much strength that it took them hours just to take him out.”**

 

_Sooyoung was restless, hitting the floor of the car with her feet as a sign of impatience. **“Dad, can you just, you know, drive already?”** She demanded, emphasizing the last words. She had an appointment with the new choreographer her mom had hired for the next recital and she was both thrilled for getting such a high profile teacher, and annoyed for having to sacrifice more hours of her days to dance – she was barely sleeping since her mother got the news that an important member of an international company would be watching the next showcase. Sooyoung was too young to be recruited, but leaving a good first impression would guarantee her many points when her time comes **.**_

_Her dad, on the other hand, didn’t seem bothered by his daughter’s actions. He was used to her antics and most of the time it was endearing to him – even if she could act like a brat sometimes, like in the moment. **“Sweetie, this is Seoul. We have those big bright things called traffic lights that dictate when we can or not move.”** He explained as if she was a small kid again, gesturing towards the red light. The young girl snorted in annoyance, making the man laugh._

**_“We’ll be there just in time. Now can you calm down? I have chocolate on the glove compartment, why don’t you get one while we wait?”_ ** _He gave her a grin fully aware of his daughter weakness for sweets, even though her mother would very much disapprove it. While his wife was pretty strict with everything regarding their daughter, the man was much more laid back and reasonable. He was always the one to point out that no matter how much of an adult Sooyoung considered herself, she was still a kid and shouldn’t be burdened with adult responsibilities, especially such laboring tasks like a dancing career – this was the topic of many arguments between the couple._

**_“I shouldn’t…”_ ** _Soo hesitated, glancing at the place where the chocolate was, considering if it was worth the scolding for gaining weight. **“Just a piece!”** As expected, her sweet tooth won the best over her and she leaned in to open the compartment._

_And perhaps it was her biggest mistake or her salvation, she wouldn’t ever know._

_It was only a brief moment, so fast that in any other occasion it wouldn’t have mattered. In that day it did._

_The sound of tires against the asphalt, followed by the loud sound of horns honking frantically made her lift her gaze, being instantly hit by the blinding lights of another car headlights. The next thing she knew was that the said car had crash against them, the impact so strong that it made her body jump towards the windshield, the seatbelt barely holding her in place as the metal of the car kneaded over them like a trap. Glass flew at them, the smell of gas and blood being the last thing she could recall before she passed out._

_She wished she could say she heard her dad screaming at her some last words. She wished she hadn’t been so distracted and could have warned him about the other driver invading their lane. She wished a lot of things, but it was too late and there was no going back._

_Days later when she woke up at the hospital, her dad wasn’t there only her mother looking at her with what looked like pity and maybe even anger, albeit she couldn’t quite understand in the moment the reason why._

_All her body hurt and she could barely keep her eyes open. A sting pain was coming from one of her wrists, but what worried her the most was the sudden numbness on her legs that were lifted by some kind of medical apparatus. She tried to speak, but only a hoarse hurtful sound left her throat, a similar sting pain coming from the left side of her face. The pain only seem stronger as she started to realize what was happening, her memory of it making her relive all the fear of the moment. Despair was displayed in her face as she stared at her mother in search for help, but all she got was a heavy sigh in response before the woman went away to find a doctor to see her instead._

_It took her only a couple of hours to discover she hadn’t only lost her dreams, but also the most important person in her life._

 

 **“I wonder why I had to survive instead of him** **.”** Her dark eyes became distant, the memories leaving a bitter taste on her mouth. She used to have nightmares about it, but with time, the nightmares progressed to show her current problems, creating new scenarios that were just as bad.

Back then, when she opened her eyes to face a new and cold reality, many told her she was lucky for surviving. The more she lived, the less she felt like this. Being in the hospital for months, trying to get her body to properly work again, going through so many doctors and treatments, while dealing with the wounds in her mind that were much more severe. Although she was submitted to all sort of surgeries to fix her legs – her bones were glued together like a puzzle, one that was never completed properly –, her mother never allowed them to touch her face. The older woman told her that once she was ready to go back to stage they could fix it, then she would feel better – but she was never able to, neither her mother seem to care enough to fix the scars on her face. Deep down, they both knew it was the woman’s way of punishing her for being alive, for failing to succeed even when she was the one to survived instead of her dad.

She was sure her mother wouldn’t miss her when she was gone.

Sooyoung blinked, feeling Jiwoo’s hands on her face once more, this time the slender fingers were working on wiping away the tears she hadn’t even realized were rolling down her eyes. **“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but I’m still glad you are here now.”** Her voice was gentle, but it was shaking with an emotion Ha couldn’t quite comprehend. Her small hands trembled, the doe eyes shining with tears that seem too sincere to be only out of empathy for another human being.

Jiwoo hugged her tight, in a contact that was comforting for both of them, but that wasn’t enough to calm her heart. She didn’t know Sooyoung, not truly, even though they were both sharing their deepest secrets now. Jiwoo never met her when she was in her prime – when Sooyoung was _Sooyoung_ indeed and not only a shadow of herself. Still, they were connected in so many ways and she just wished this connection could grow strong and maybe it could become the string that kept them afloat.

Taking a deep breath, she pulled back, facing the girl. A week ago, when she first saw Sooyoung, she was determinate to only talk to her once and leave her life for good – now she wished what she was about to say wouldn’t be the last thing she would ever be able to tell her.

 **“My…My dad. He was out of our lives because he was arrested.”** She said slowly, hands on Sooyoung shoulders as she looked her in the eyes and prayed she would be brave enough to say what she had to. It would be easier to just let go and avoid her gaze, but Ha deserved her total honesty. **“He was running late because he was out drinking after work and forgot he was supposed to pick me up at cram school so he run and…He got caught into an accident, no, h-he caused it…He killed someone.”** Her voice cracked, making her greet her teeth to refrain from sobbing.

 

_Jiwoo tried and failed to avoid yawning, sitting back against the cold bench in front of school. She had failed math in the last midterm exam, what meant that now she had to stay over until night studying to try and get her grade up again or else her mom would keep her grounded for the whole summer. Her dad was supposed to pick her up on the way back from the work, but he was running late as usual and she was starting to get worried._

_The brunette checked her wallet, making a face at how little money she still had left. It was enough to take the bus home, but she was trying to save money to get some music lessons and at this pace she wouldn’t be able to do so. It would be easier to just ask her parents, however they were already struggling…She thought about accepting Mr. Oh offer and get a part time job at the noodles restaurant, yet her mother wouldn’t allow her to do anything until her grades were better. Sighing, the small girl closed her eyes. No matter how much she hated math, she would have to master it as soon as possible or she would spend all her summer at home dealing with her noisy little brothers._

_So, she decided to wait for her dad a little longer. She played on her phone while people come and go, slowly making the building empty. Jiwoo tried to keep her usual cheerful smile on her face and not get creeped out by the feeling that her father might really have forgotten about her this time and she would have to walk to the bus stop on her own and get into the bus._

_Dialing his number, she bit her thumb lightly, nervousness spreading through her body as the call went straight to voicemail. She was getting a bad feeling about it. Her dad wasn’t exactly your standard parental figure, he drunk a little too much and often got into trouble – from making her mom have to go over the bar to pick him up and pay the bill, to sleep over at some bar and make them worried to death. However, he had promised to not drink in working days and she was praying he kept his word this time._

_As time went by and her calls didn’t result in anything, a feeling of frustration washed over her. How could he have forgot about their deal? He even promised he would pick her up every day. More than frustrated, she was worried. Her dad might be a drunkard, but he wasn’t the type that would complete ignore his child._

_She thought about calling her mother, however she didn’t want to cause her any more worry, so she just sent her a text informing she would take the bus home because dad was stuck at work – lying wasn’t something she liked to do, but there was no point in only making her mother worried. She was forced to use the money she had held onto so dearly, entering the nearly empty bus that would take her home._

_The ride was slower than usual, the bus getting stuck in the middle of the road due to an accident in the opposite side of it. She had glued her face to the window, trying to see what was happening, but all she could see was a growing crowd surrounding the place where the lights of ambulances and a group of firefighters that tried to rescue people from a badly kneaded red vehicle. Jiwoo tried to understand how the accident happened, but it was hard due to the agglomeration of people that blocked most of her view. She could only catch a glimpse of a huddle of pink and red being rescued from the vehicle – a girl perhaps? –, just to be rushed towards an ambulance. She never could confirm her suspicion, the bus moved before she could do so._

_Had she paid more attention, she would have noticed the old grey car that had been pushed aside with the impact, its hood kneaded with a small cloud of smoke leaving it, the same car that her dad drives every day._

_When she got home, she was welcome not by her mother, but for Mr. Oh and his wife. The old couple had hugged her and offered her a bowl of noodles just like they did to her brothers, and even though they didn’t answer any of her questions, just saying her mother had to tend to an important thing, she knew something bad happened. The knots on her stomach didn’t allow her to eat anything, they only got worse as time passed and her mother didn’t come back._

_It was early morning when she finally saw her mother again, the woman looked drained and it took her a while to be able to explain to the kids that dad wouldn’t be back for a while but she had hired the best lawyer they could afford – what wasn’t much. Had just recently turned thirteen, she had a better understanding of what was happening than her eleven year old twin siblings, and perhaps for this reason it was all worse. Her dad had broken their promise and destroyed their family just like he ruined the life of the girl she had seen through the window._

_Her dad didn’t ask to see them, neither she went to visit._

_Jiwoo was forced to grow up fast, leaving her childish dreams aside to face the people’s judgment and help her family to survive._

 

Over a month ago she had received a letter from her dad, the only one he had ever sent since he went to jail and shut them out of her life under the excuse that like this he could protect them from the repercussions – it didn’t, people still judge their whole family as if they were the ones behind the wheel, as if they were as responsible for what happened. The letter wasn’t long, it consisted only of a long apologize and a request.

Her dad asked her to apologize on his behalf, his health had decayed and when the letter reached her hands he had already passed away. The letter, just like her father’s death left her with mixed emotions. Memories she couldn’t even recall she still had seem to surge in her mind, reminding her of the good days before her dad had turned to drinking and distanced himself from their family, it wasn’t enough to make her mourn him and regret her decision of keeping him out of her life, but it was enough to make her feel her heart ache again. She could’ve ignore his words and pretend she never received such request, yet, she didn’t.

Part of her always felt guilty for what happened. Even if her dad was in the wrong for driving under influence, he still was trying to get to her and keep his word somehow. If she had simply told him she could take the bus instead of waiting, he would probably just have called her mom to go pick him up again and everything would be fine. She knew it was useless to guilt trip herself over things she couldn’t possibly have known back then, but still, it was hard to shake off the feeling.

Now that Sooyoung was in front of her, broken inside and out, she couldn’t help but feel even more responsible for what happened.

**“I’m so, so sorry! It was my fault too, if I had went home alone and…I’m sorry we hurt your family.”**

Jiwoo was expecting a strong reaction, one she knew was bound to happen, still Sooyoung didn’t move right away. The raven just stood there, eyes devoided of emotion as the reality of things slowly hit her.

 **“So that’s why you are helping me.”** Was all she said, her voice so small it was almost inaudible. A sarcastic smile graced her full lips as she slowly stood up, her robotic gestures not matching her shaken voice. **“I should have seen this coming.”**

The smaller girl stared at her, blinking away her tears as she clumsy stood up as well. Albeit Ha didn’t pay her any attention, her long strides distancing them fast.

Sooyoung clenched her hands into fists, taking short, erratic breaths in the hope she could push away the pungent pain that teared apart her heart. Of course Jiwoo wasn’t just someone nice that empathized with her pain. People never were simply nice, every single one of them was always after something and Kim Jiwoo was no exception. She probably thought that by saving Sooyoung and pretending to be her friend it would erase her dad’s sins and make everything alright again.

Ha sunk her teeth hard on her already hurt bottom lip, refraining from letting out the hysteric laugh that was stuck on her throat.  She was such a fool, so pathetic and desperate to accept a stranger kindness and even think they could…Could what? No one would want to befriend someone like her. She fucking knew it. So why was it hurting so much now? Why Jiwoo’s betrayal made her feel even worse than when that girl had punched her and taken away what was left of her dignity?

Hope. Jiwoo had taking away the last ounce of hope she had. Kim had made her think, even if only for a moment, that it was still worth to try, but the girl had never cared about her to begin with.

Her steps were clumsy, the pain in her heart was too intense to let her acknowledge the one in her body. Roughly, she wiped away the hot tears on her eyes, hating herself for letting it show how much it hurt her. In an impulse, she took off the jacket Jiwoo had lend her, throwing it in the bushes as the cold wind of the night greet her fragile body.

It had taken them several minutes to make their way up to the park, but now she reached the road in what seemed like a blink of an eye. Even in the late night cars were still zooming past her in a rush. Looking at the blurred vehicles only one thing crossed her mind and without thinking twice she decided to step in and let life follow its natural course reaching its end.

 

* * *

 

Jiwoo tried her best to reach Sooyoung, her legs having difficult in keeping up the pace as her lungs failed in taking in air due to the tears that seem to clung her airways and make it hard to breathe. Nevertheless, she didn’t give up, she run as much as she could, and even when she tripped and fell hurting her knees, she still stood up and kept going. She had promised she would keep Sooyoung safe tonight and she wouldn’t break this promise. She wouldn’t break any of the promises she had made to the girl.

She wasn’t very strong, nor fast, however, her determination drove her making her reach Sooyoung as soon as the girl reached the road.

Forgetting any sense of self preservation, she ran. 

She ran and jumped to involve Sooyoung with her arms, pulling the woman closer to her and far away from the cars. She almost lost balance due to their weight, but she managed to stay in place **. “Please, please, please don’t do that. Please, Sooyoung, please.”** She repeated time after time, her grip so tight on the girl that it was probably making it hard for Sooyoung to breathe as well. Jiwoo’s lungs were burning, from both the effort and the anxiety that fear was bringing her. **“I meant it, I will help you and I’ll make you happy, so please just don’t go.”**

 **“Why? Because you don’t want to have extra weight on your consciousness?”** Sooyoung’s reply came with more hurt than cynicism.

The words hurt more than she could’ve expected and it was hard to not flinch, still, Jiwoo didn’t move. **“Because I care about you.”**

 **“You don’t even know me!”** Sooyoung tried to break the embrace, but her hands were weak against Jiwoo’s strong grip. **You only care about your own guilt.”**

 **“I know you went through hell because of what my dad did. But guess what? I did too!”** She said, her words muffled. Her face buried on Sooyoung’s back, her arms keeping hold of the slightly older woman in fear of what could happen if she ever let go. **“I also lost my dad that day, Sooyoung. I lost my dreams too.”** She lowered her voice, warm breath hitting Ha’s shoulder as she moved. **“I know it doesn’t take your pain away, but you are not alone! Just give me a chance to prove you I’ll keep my word.”**

Sooyoung let her arms fall beside her body in defeat. The pain in her chest was still there, however it was weaker now and no matter how much she tried to deny, Jiwoo’s warmth was slowly making its way back to her body. She barely knew that girl, it wasn’t fair that she had so much power over her. **“Do you plan on stalking me forever?”**

 **“No, I plan on being your friend.”** Jiwoo’s grip finally became loose, as if she knew that Sooyoung was ready to listen to her now. **“Just let me by your side. I may not always be with you, but I’ll try to be there whenever you need the most.”**

Promises were only empty words and Sooyoung knew it. Still, she turned to face Jiwoo and with what she saw in her gaze, it made her walk away in the direction of the bus stop instead of the road.

Just for today, she would go home instead of trying again.

Jiwoo followed her quietly.

 

* * *

 

That year Jiwoo kept her promise and Sooyoung made her own: she would try, for her own sake.

Kim would always come to see her after school, she would inspect her face for wounds and offer her a cheap can of soda with a small smile. At first Sooyoung just ignored her, only making her steps a little slower to allow the girl to follow her. However, as the days passed, and Jiwoo didn’t waver, she started to accept her approaches. Slowly, they become closer. Until one day Jiwoo stopped following her, and started to walk by her side instead.

Things didn’t simply change in their favor, it would be impossible. Nevertheless, there was _something_ different in their lives and it was enough to keep them going.

Sooyoung still had to deal with schools bullies, the same girl from before would never give up on haunting her, however, the next time she attacked Ha was ready to return the favor and although they both ended up in principal’s office, it made her feel a little better for standing up for herself. Jiwoo gave her a box of marshmallows and an ice pack for her cheek as a gift that day.

Ha’s other problems weren’t as easily solved. She couldn’t punch away her fears and sadness, nor she could conquer her mother’s love. She still felt hollow often and it was hard to keep certain kind of thoughts away. In moments like this she would remember what Jiwoo said and call the girl, and albeit not completely, it made a little easier to get through it.

She also decided to give it a try to what the brunette had said and sometimes she would catch herself rehearsing old moves, her long limbs feeling awkward and clumsy at first, but slowly getting used to the dance again. No, it wasn’t great, it was probably terrible to anyone else to see – so she didn’t pay attention to how good or bad she was, she just trained in her own room, earphones blasting the music and allowing her to immerse herself on it and only it. It made her happy in a way she couldn’t recall feeling before, maybe it was because it was something she did to herself only, something that no one else needed to know or see, as if she had open her own little world in those moments.

Jiwoo, on the other hand, still kept her routine as it was before, with the sole exception of meeting Sooyoung. Going to college and pursuing a music degree was still a dream too far away out of her reach, yet she wouldn’t let it get her down. Working on Mr. Oh’s place wasn’t so bad, the old man was like a grandpa to her and he was teaching her the recipes and more than once he made it clear he wished she could take over the place sometime in future.

Her little brothers would call and nag her about visiting, while her mother would try to convince her on giving up her second job and getting a break once in a while. Kim promised she would do both, eventually.

Seeing Sooyoung was her favorite activity, even if she had to take the bus to the more wealthy side of town to do so. Proving her tenacity, she didn’t let the girl’s cold attitude keep her away. That night had a strong effect in both of them and she couldn’t help but worry that her attempts only made things worse for the raven – it was a relief to know it was the opposite. It took time and patience, but it was worth it. Their friendship wasn’t your usual relation, sometimes it was awkward, sometimes seeing each other was more painful than good, however they stick together and gradually she was starting to get to know the real Sooyoung, the one below all the protection layers.

If anyone found it weird to see such a weird pairing, no one said anything, moreover, the two of them didn’t give anyone the chance to do so.

Now Sooyoung was sitting on the carpet, leaning against the white wall of her spacious room. Jiwoo’s small frame was close to hers, the girl having her arms wrapped around her knees as she gave the taller woman a small smile. **“Should I ask why you asked me to come over?”** They were together quite often, but usually they just went for a walk until they could find a quiet place or ate at Mr. Oh’s restaurant. Jiwoo had seen the Ha’s house before, but setting a foot inside of it was still weird – after all she didn’t know how much about her Sooyoung's mom knew, if she knew anything at all, but she tried to convince herself everything was fine or else Soo wouldn’t have called her.

 **“I…I need help with something. Two things actually.”** Sooyoung said, biting her lip as a sign of nervousness as she passed Kim a business card.

Jiwoo furrowed her brows as she took the card, reading the letters writing in a delicate and elegant font. **“A psychologist? Are you thinking about going there?”** She tried to keep her voice neutral, she didn’t want to pressure Sooyoung.

The taller girl nodded, her eyes still elsewhere. She looked embarrassed and Jiwoo found it both endearing and heartbreaking. Taking this step was never easy, especially in a country like the one they lived. **“I think this is great.”** Jiwoo’s smile grew wider, her chest swollen with a sense of pride. **“Do you want me to help you set an appointment? Go with you?”**

 **“So you think is a good idea?”** Sooyoung could’ve sighed of how relieved she was. The idea still seem weird in her mind, part of her skeptical that it could be of any help, still, she was trying her best to get better even if it meant get out of her comfort zone. Receiving another positive answer from the girl, it gave her enough courage to make the call. Going there and actually opening up with a stranger – she couldn’t call Jiwoo one now, for what she was glad – would be another battle, but it was a good first step.

Kim hugged her after the appointment was made, she had this weird smile on her face that made her look more like a proud mother than a friend, but it didn’t bother the raven, it was the opposite. Having someone there to support her was a new feeling, a very good one.

 **“You said you had two things to ask. What is the other one?”** Jiwoo asked after a moment, her eyes full of childlike curiosity.

Soo nodded again, standing up to show Jiwoo what she had kept on her closet. She placed the big box on her bed and gestured for Jiwoo to open it up. The younger girl arched an eyebrow in a silent question, but only received a smile in return.

 **“I didn’t know you played.”** Kim spoke, although her eyes were still on the electric keyboard that she had just revealed. It was an old model, but clearly a good instrument – Jiwoo could tell by the way the keys still sound as they were supposed to when she gently touched it. 

The raven shook her head slightly. **“I don’t. It belonged to my dad.”**

 **“Oh.”** Right away Jiwoo took her hands off it, as if it was a crime to touch such thing – to some extent she felt like it was, at least for her.

 **“It’s okay. I want you to play it.”** Ha reassured with a smile. She had come across the instrument days ago and she could only think about Jiwoo whenever she saw it. **“He would like you to do it.”** Sooyoung was sure of it. Her dad, who had been such a caring and warm person, would never hold grudges against someone just because of something their family did, actually Soo had a feeling that the man would have liked Jiwoo a lot. **“I followed your advice. The dance, I mean.”** Her smile became smaller, embarrassed. **“It’s not great, but you were right, I feel happy when I do it.”**

Jiwoo glanced at Sooyoung before looking back at the keyboard, hesitating. **“Are you sure? I’m glad you are dancing again, you don’t have to-”**

 **“I want to.”** Ha’s tone was serious now, her smile vanishing to give place to a stubborn expression. **“Cut the crap and accept it!”** She said in her best imitation of a mad Jiwoo, and as expected it didn’t fail in making the other giggle. **“I know is not the same as having classes, but you can practice at home and I don’t know, maybe get an internet tutorial and stuff.”**

With sparkling eyes that had a new glint to them, Jiwoo threw herself into Sooyoung’s arms, giving her another of the hugs that the older was starting to get used to – the comforting, warm and genuine ones. Different from the first couple of times, she hugged the girl back tightly, allowing her own lips to curve into a fond smile. They might not have come into each other’s life in a good way, but they decided to stay for the best reason.

 **“Thank you, Sooyoung. It means a lot.”** Pulling away just enough to see Soo’s face, the smaller brunette left a gentle kiss on her cheek. **“But I’m only accepting it under one condition.”**

Sooyoung felt her cheeks become warmer, small pink spots appearing. **“What?”**

 **“I’ll practice here with you, so you can see my progress while I see you dancing.”** Her tone was firm, different from the gentle hands that caressed Ha’s back in delicate motions, making sure she felt comfortable in the embrace.

Sooyoung hesitate, dancing in front of anyone was something that still scared her, and Jiwoo out of all people…

 **“I’ve never seen a ballet before, so you’ll be the best one for me.”** Jiwoo said as if she could read her mind, the easy smile pushing away Sooyoung’s worries. **“Please, I’m not a tough crowd, I swear.”**

No, she wasn’t. Jiwoo was her one and only supporter and probably the only person that deserved to be welcomed in her little world as well.

Slowly, Sooyoung nodded as she hugged the brunette again. **“I’ll try, but don’t expect much.”**

**“I’ll love it as long as you’re enjoying what you are doing.”**

 

* * *

 

** 2 years later **

 

Sooyoung walked into the clinic, exchanging friendly greetings with the girl in the front desk and taking a sit in the waiting room. The place that once made her so anxious, was now somewhere she could feel at ease. It took her so much time to decide to come into here and even in the first time she came, if it wasn’t Jiwoo’s encouraging words she wouldn’t have been able to do so.

 

**_“I…I’m afraid.”_ ** _She confessed in what was almost a whisper._

_The fellow brunette furrowed her brows in confusion. **“Of what? I thought the article said that they can do it in a non-invasive way.”**_

**_“Not because of the procedure, it’s just…”_ ** _She hesitate, feeling silly all of sudden. **“What if I still feel this way after it’s done? What if I feel even worse?”**_

_Jiwoo looked at her with worried eyes, placing a hand over hers. **“Whether you do it or not, you’ll feel better, Soo. You are working hard for it, this is just a small detail. You don’t have to do it if you don’t feel comfortable.”**_

_Sooyoung squeezed her hand, a shaky smile on her face as she looked into Jiwoo’s brown orbs that always carried so much fondness and understanding in them. **“It’s been so long that it almost feels like is part of me.”** She grimaced at her own words. The scars on her face had brought her so much pain and hurt, caused her to be mocked and target of all sort of comments, it should be only natural for her to want to get rid of it. However, part of her felt like the marks on her face were also a proof of what she had survived and maybe she should just try to keep her head up high and show them. **“I don’t want to do it only to please others.”**_

**_“I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I’ll love you the same either way.”_ ** _As if to prove it to prove her words, Jiwoo left a sweet kiss on her marked cheek like she had done so many time before._

_With a smile of her own, she cupped Kim’s chubby cheeks with her hands, her dark eyes reflecting her own fondness and care. **“I know.”** She dared to lean in and kiss her, a brief and innocent contact that carried its own meaning. They were in public and she should’ve more careful, but she didn’t care about what would people think. _

 

Looking at the mirrored surface of the door she could see her own face reflected. There weren’t any scars on it now.

She had done it for no one else but herself. Getting rid of the scars was much easier than erasing the pain of the memories, it was almost ironic that something that made her uncomfortable for so long disappeared in a couple of weeks. Still, she was glad she did it. Looking at the mirror without being reminded of unpleasant things was a blessing, it made her feel like she had a new start – and in many ways, she did.

Surviving her last year of school wasn’t easier, but it was easier than she expected. Was it some higher power or simple luck, for the first time since she went back to school one year after the accident, she found people with whom she could connect and call friends. The said people came in the form of a quiet girl that had jumped several grades due to her privileged brain, Hyejoo, and a pretty blonde that looked intimidating at first but was quite shy and soft hearted, Jungeun.  The new friends brought to her life even more of that nice feeling that Jiwoo had, although she felt a different kind of affection for them.

When she was finally able to graduate, to what would’ve been a surprise to even herself, she was admitted into a college and decided to attend to it – administration instead of a dance major. She had an idea that seemed so out of her reach initially, however it was slowly becoming more realistic and maybe someday she would be able to do so. She would never be able to be up there on stage again, but perhaps she could help others be.

Her dad had left enough money for her to not worry, so moving out of the house and finding herself a comfortable apartment – her mom seemed surprised, but didn’t protest. Her therapist said she should talk to her mother and try to understand her feelings as well, nevertheless, she needed to get be in a better place – physically and mentally – before she could do it.

For now she was fine with how things were. Her friends were still in school and facing college without them and Jiwoo could be a little scary, but she had matured and even through it was still hard sometimes, she managed to get out of her shell and stand up for herself – luckily in college things were much easier to deal with. She still met the girls outside, their awkward selves were a weird combination, but it worked well and they were able to understand each other like this.  

With Jiwoo things changed in an unexpected way. She indeed kept her word and never left her when she needed the most, her presence becoming an anchor that kept Sooyoung in place and didn’t allow her to be swayed by anything. Trust was slowly built between the two of them, allowing them to get to know what was under their damaged facades. It wasn’t sudden, but the feelings were definitely there and when it happened it only felt natural. Sooyoung embraced the girl with her whole heart and welcome her into her life.

Her thoughts were disrupted by a presence that took a seat beside her in one of the chairs.

Sooyoung glanced at the girl that looked around her age and sported round glasses that matched well her sharp features. However, it wasn’t the girl’s appearance that caught her attention, it was the distress on her face.

 **“Is it your first time here?”** It wasn’t like her to pry into other people’s life, but something Jiwoo had taught her was that you should always follow your instinct when it comes down to helping people.

 **“Me?”** The girl seem surprised, but her gaze wasn’t hostile when she stared back at Sooyoung with pretty brown eyes. **“Yes.”**

 **“I see.”** Soo nodded with a small smile. **“It’s probably my last one, I just stopped by to a final check.”** She gestured the side of her face where the scars were once, now it was almost impossible to notice anything. **“What are you doing?”**

 **“My…My eyes.”** The girl’s voice was lower now, her eyes elsewhere as if she was ashamed of what she was about to do.

Ha nodded once more, refraining from commenting the obvious: the girl’s eyes were beautiful and she shouldn’t feel insecure about them. Still, it wasn’t the right approach. People had various reasons to change themselves and it wasn’t her place to say anything about it. What worried her, however, was how unhappy and lonely the girl seem to be there.

 **“You know, I was pretty nervous when I first visited here. I was lucky to have someone with me to calm me down and make me think if I should really be doing it.”** Sooyoung’s voice was gentle, only loud enough for the girl to hear her. **“I don’t know what are your reasons for wanting this, but if they’re anything other than making yourself happy, maybe you should reconsider.”** Offering the girl a final smile she stood up, preparing to head to the office where the doctor awaited for her. **“My name is Sooyoung, if you need anyone to be with you when is your turn, just call me…”** She extended the last word, leaving it up to the girl to fill the void.

 **“Haseul.”** The shorter brunette said in return, a surprised, yet grateful look on her face.

 **“I hope you’ll decide on what’s the best for you, Haseul.”** With a wave she turned to walk to the office, leaving the girl behind.

When the girl called her later with a shy, nervous smile, Sooyoung didn’t hesitate in going to her. Everyone needs help, whether their problems are big or small, and if she could be this someone for Haseul today, she would gladly be it.

 

* * *

 

Jiwoo waited for Sooyoung at the doorstep, a cup of hot chocolate in hand as she hugged herself to try and stay warm. She had early classes today and getting used to waking up early was still a hard task for her – one that her mother made sure to help her with, unfortunately. Her college wasn’t the best and she doubted she could get much with a music degree, however, she loved some of the classes and it was enough to keep her going.

Sooyoung – with Jiwoo’s mom help – was able to convince the girl to drop out of her second job and focus on studying to get into a small college that she could afford without struggling too much. It was still a long way from her dream, but it was a beginning and with them, everything was about taking chances.

Mr. Oh seem especially proud of her for this, he and his wife didn’t have kids therefore Jiwoo had become an unofficial family member. The couple had congratulate her in the least expected way: he simply handed her the restaurant and although Kim was trying her best to convince him on accepting the payment – she didn’t have that much money, but she still had her pride –, so far it was useless. The old couple seem to think it was enough that the place would be in good hands and they still visited quite often, sometimes they would even bring her mother along – she felt like a kid being watched in the playground in those occasions, but would be a lie to say she didn’t like having them by her side.

Now her routine was a bit less stressful. Having to handle college and the restaurant at the same time should be tiring, but she felt rather happy to be succeeding to some extent in reaching her dreams. No, it wasn’t a fancy restaurant in the city, just a small one in an alley, but they had hearty food that most of the time she enjoyed cooking. Just like her music degree wouldn’t be the most impressive one, but it was still something she enjoyed doing. Perhaps her path to happiness was to find joy in – almost – everything she does, it was working so far. But of course, there were other things involved in it.

One of the reasons for her better days was currently walking to meet her and she smiled at the sight of the raven haired woman. Standing up, she greeted Sooyoung with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. **“Hey! How was it?”**

 **“It was fine. You know it was just a routine thing.”** Soo said dismissing the topic by shaking her head slightly and taking Jiwoo’s hand so they could head to her apartment. **“Class ended early?”**

 **“Thankfully, history of music is definitely not what I signed up for.”** The brunette made a face as she remembered her teacher’s boring monologue, it would take all her tenacity to not sleep over her books. Ha let out a chuckle, opening the door for them and pulling Kim with her to the couch.

**“I met someone at the clinic today. A girl that was considering doing a procedure.”**

**“And what about her? Someone from college?”**

**“Yes, but that’s not the point**.” Sooyoung said as she hugged Jiwoo, bringing her closer. **“She was nervous and looked a bit lost, so I did the same thing you taught me.”**

 **“Hm, I see. And do you mind me remind me what that was** **?”** Kim replied furrowing her brows slightly.

 **“To be nosy and mind other people’s business.”** Hateased, but the smile that followed was genuine matching her soft voice. **“And to make sure she knew that there was someone for her if she needed, no matter what she decided on doing.”**

Jiwoo smiled at her words, fondness in her eyes as she looked at the taller woman. **“Did you tell her about what you taught me too?”**

It was Sooyoung’s turn to stare at her in confusion, what won her one of Jiwoo’s trademark bright smiles.

 **“That even in your worst moments you can still find strength to keep going, for yourself and no one else.”** Jiwoo took her face into her hands and leaned in to kiss her loving. **“Although there will always be someone that is glad you did, just like I’m glad you’re here with me now.”**

Sooyoung didn’t say anything in return, she didn’t have to, the emotion in her eyes was enough for Jiwoo to know she felt the same way. Hugging Kim once more, Soo kissed her, making sure to put all her heart into it. Jiwoo was right, life was made of small moments of glee and she would enjoy every single one of them by her side.

They had entered each other’s lives in the most unexpected way, a tragic event that could never be forgotten, but they had chosen to stay for a much better reason. Jiwoo would never know why her dad had chosen to send her that letter after so many years, nor why she couldn’t bring herself to speak to Sooyoung until that day or how things would be now if she hadn’t. Nevertheless, she was grateful to whatever whim of fate that allowed them to meet each other and bring out their real selves back with it.

Life might not be always great, yet as long as they had each other and their will to keep going, they would find a way to happiness.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first chuuves story and maybe I should’ve picked a lighter theme, but I had this idea so I decided to try something different. I tried to deal with the topic as better as I could, but I apologize if it wasn’t developed enough or if it was confusing. I’m a fluff writer mostly, but once in a while I like to experiment. Please let me know what you think!
> 
> Thank you a lot if you read it all and I’m sorry about any mistakes (I’m not a native english speaker, but most mistakes are probably due my lack of attention). If you feel like screaming at me or you have a nice idea that you think I could work on, feel free to message me here or on twitter @uncreativeacc. Next time it will be fluff and fun I swear! See you <3


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